5 months later...

I know you don’t love me like I love you,
and may never. But that doesn’t change how I feel.

Your presence makes me smile. Your laughter makes
me happy to know your happy even if you’re not
with me. But just because you don’t love me, doesn’t
mean I cant still love you.

i miss you so much..

it is me to blame...

Many think that love would always be enough for them and never realized the selfishness that comes in between as you strive to prove how much you love..
you just end up being selfish to yourself..

Too often.. i find myslef wondering how much change do i have to see
just to realize that the problem is me..
how much break ups and make ups do i have to endure..
just to know that the reason was me..

I made a lot of promises and was determined to keep them..
I've spoken such words that i tend to keep between us but how can i do such, when my very reason is somehow lost?? lost in a place where i don't even exist and just as i try to reach out and try once more.. i felt that i was the only one different in your world.

After 4 months...

I'm gonna love you till the end of time because if your love is all i had in this life well that would be enough until the end of time.
So rest your weary heart and relax your mind because i'm gonna love you till the end of time.

Love Failures... why?

Love Love Love Failures... why? bakit kaya dumadating sa point ing isang tao yung nag dadalawang isip ka? afraid that you might pick the wrong decision and regret it for the rest of your life. Have you ever felt that you've been so stupid over someone and yet we call it crazy but we never thought how stupid we become until we felt that we've been hurt? and how come after all the shits you've been through to someone, hurt you like no else did, still you say... "Mahal ko pa rin sya..." Sometimes it's confusing kung makikinig sa takbo ng utak or from the feelings we have in our heart... they say that " Love conquers all" Yes right! Sometimes, nararamdaman nyo pa yung tipong may mahal ka pero meron naman sya iba, or you fell for your friend but you're too afraid to let it show because your fearing of rejection. dialogue at the movie My Best Friend's Wedding which Rupert Everett said... "If you love somone , say it... you say it right then... out LOUD or the moment just... passes you by... " Meron naman yung situatiuon na, there's someone in your life and you could say that he's the one at masasabi mo rin mahal na mahal mo sya, but then you've lost your trust on him. Yung bunigay mo na lahat ng trust mo nung una, then nawala lahat kase nalaman mo he's cheating on you. dba masakit? Of course you'ver given him a chance? And now, telling you this promises that you've heard a million times before but then what IF he broke this promises for the 2nd time around? ewan ko na lang... ---> I just have to say we can do crazy thing for the one we love, except to give all of your trust again, for short it's really hard to trsut someone again once you've lost it. I guess it takes time. Pano naman yung situation na gusto mo makipag break? but there's something keeps you holding back, yung natatakot ka masaktan sya or masaktan mo sarili mo and regret it late that you did it? Sometimes we can't blame ourselves for ending a relationship, maybe sa side ng nasaktan masama ka at madali para sayo yun at nagpapakasaya ka pa. I don't think so, it's also really hard to breaks someone's heart without wanting to, minsan mo naman intend saktan sya but you have to do it right then because it's much more painful if you didn't do it right away tapos ikaw pa yung masisisi and sasabihin pa sayo..."bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi?" ---> partings NEVER EASY ans sometimes naman you've given all you've got to give and still it isn't enough? still it doesn't work right? or doesn't receive anything in return ---> it's the matter of giving , don't assume that you will receive much more of what you expect. Minsan naman two timer ka hindi mo mapili one over the other, mahal mo nga sya pero may qualities may qualities yung isa na okay at masasabi mong magkakasundo kayo in anyway. It's very hard to choose right? well, grow up! now you're being selfish. Oh well, you've gotta choose just one person and learn to accept the fact that "3 is ALWAYS a CROWD" and then meron naman yung situation na, minsan bigla mo sya maaalala, you know... your ex... reminiscing the all good times you've shared together. Somehow you miss him right? but then, there's emptiness inside of you na hindi mo mapipigilan and your thinking you gonna do something about it or not, because you might be wondering maybe he's happy with someone else arms na or scared to lose their pride for both parties.

How about sa mga taong hurt or bigo? without absolutely no idea why they've been hurt and maybe still figuring out what's the reason of their break up? We usually tend to smile but behind the curtains we're dying. Sometimes, dinadaan na lang sa paglalasing with fellow barkada's or get out of town and do something as a relief to your self for awhile. I believe that's how it goes. Anyway, don't worry there's someone out there who'll be the one to ease your pain away, just widen up your eyes or you could use your high resolution eye glasses because that might help perhaps... hehe... :p. You'll never know the person beside you in an mrt/bus might be the one who can spend the rest of your life with... maybe sooner than later... i'm sure they will... they'll probably soon realized what they've lost and found... too bad palagi talaga nasa huli ang pagsisisi... it's not your loss... it's THEIRS... madami pa dyan right? ---> We truly never know what we've got until it's gone and we also never thought that... "The only person who can make us happy is the same person who makes us cry" Okay let put it this way hindi ka masasaktan kugn hindi ka nagmamahal. Sometime we'd prefer to be hurt pa nga right? In our point of our lives we should be so lucky to have someone who'll cherish us for the rest of our lives. ---> Lessons of love could bring us so much pain. I guess God just let's us meet few people that goes in and out in our lives and those times might be the unforgettable ones, taught us lessons in this insane world of Love. ---> The more we've been hurt, the more we gain the lessons but one thing is for sure... "we'll know how to get up again when we fall" Don't be afraid to give your self a chance to love again. Don't look back and look for the qualities from the past love to someone new. We're different kinds of people and has different personalities but who knows there's much more you can see in this new person, that you can never think of.

Ending relationships doens't mean it's the end of the story in the book but it's the beginning of a new chapter in life. Love never kept us promise with a word such as "FOREVER." It's not just a word taht easy to say . It's also a place for us to get there . ---> Actions speaks louder than words. Now as i sat down infront of my computer, mind spinning, bored, lack of sleep, listening to the music. These are the some situations in Love. I can't say that i'm the one of these people who knows all shits about love? uhm... maybe somehow. I'm just saying this because i've learnt from them alot and i'll cherish this lessons that left this scars from my past, lessons that will teach me over and over again. I guess it's truly in the matter of our choice in life. Love is feeling like your in heaven, but it can also hurt like hell. But one thing is for sure, you'll learn to let go and love someone else more than you ever did before, this time it might be extra special, do something wonderful this day fot it will never come again. Don't live a life with a regret- take chances... make mistakes. Happiness- and that's the only thing you can give your self anyway.

3 months later...

3 months later nothing has really changed with the way i feel for you.We might not be close that anyomore and we might not talk to each other much... We might not hug and kiss anymore and we might not keep in touch... We might look at the floor instead of each other but then i still love you... You will always have a special place in my heart.

Greatest Test of Love...

The most important, most critical component in successful loving is commitment. Not love. It's easy to love without commitment. People do it all the time. Easy to love, to give of oneself for a while. But commitment implies bonding in such a way that one promises to keep the fires of love burning indefinitely. It also means shutting one's heart to the possibility of loving another who might even be more attractive, even more lovable. Not easy. This is why solid commitments are not at all as common as we are led to believe. In fact, more often than not, I think that the commitment two lovers make are not equal. What I mean is that the commitment of one might be a whole lot more or a whole lot less than the partner's. We see it all the time. One loves more than the other and is more committed than the other. We have often seen lopsided love relationships where one partner is giving so much more to the relationship than the other. But writers and poets seem to always indicate that love isn't just a two-way street, but an equal two-way street. That hardly ever happens. It is impossible to determine exactly how much a man loves a woman or how much a woman cares for a man. Love cannot be measured and that can be a huge problem. You can love someone and tell him "I love you" and you're telling the truth. But how much do you love him? Enough to let him court you? Enough to marry ? Enough to die? THE GREATEST TEST OF TRUE LOVE is commitment. And the greatest indicator of deep love is deep commitment. I have heard people say all the right words, make all the right moves and pledge undying love, only to walk away weeks or months later. Were they in love? Sure they were. But not enough to allow them to hold strong in their love. Not enough to keep a commitment regardless of the pain. Lover gets this sinking feeling when there is a sense that one is more committed than the other. When one is giving a lot more than one is receiving.

after 2 months...

I don’t know if fate has forsaken me. I’m in deep pain as usual. I was badly hurt emotionally . It has been 2 months from now when it started and it came to my senses that the relationship that I had was really crumbling down on me like boulders falling in my head it’s really painful when he said...."I’m sorry... ayoko na".
I really hate myself for the reason that I am a submissive person.
It’s so hard for me to think that there is someone out there who would see and appreciate me for who I am.

by chance and choice...

When we meet the right person to love when we're at the right place at the right time. That's chance. When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice. That's chance. Being caught up in a moment (and there's a lot of couples who get together because of this) is not a choice. That's also a chance.

The difference is what happens afterward. When will you take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction to the next level? That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and contemplate whether you want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling.

If you decide to love a person, even with his faults, that's not a chance. That's choice. When you choose to be with a person, no matter what, that's choice. Even if you know there are many people out there who are more attractive, smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same, that's choice. Infatuation, crushes, attraction comes to us by chance. But true love that lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make.

Regarding soulmates, there's a beautiful movie quote that I believe is so true about this: "Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen." I do believe that soulmates do exist. That there is truly someone made for you. But it's still up to you to make the choice if you're going to do something about it or not. We may meet our soulmates by chance, but loving and staying with our soulmate is still a choice we have to make.

A month later...

Loneliness kills me after a month since he walked away. That's what I am realizing now that I am far from the happiness of having my friends and family with me, everyday. If only I have more physical activities, I wouldn't feel alone. All day, I face the computer and doing some stuffs. Good thing there's my phone that whenever I receive text messages from friends, my loneliness scale lowers. Well, this is the price that I have to pay for being insecure and jealous.

Had he been here with me, I won't feel like this.

Now it's raining more than ever...

Now that it’s raining more than ever. The sun can't remember how to shine. The colors have faded into shades of gray. There is no life in this hollow heart of mine ever since you went away.
Close your eyes and feel me hold you. Can you lead me through this ordinary world?
Let the sky cry, restless rain to wash away the miles between us, because without you it's just an ordinary world.
If time could find a way to turn around , I would walk along the stars until i was back at your door.
Every word is spoken but without a sound and i found out what my heart.

Nasan ka na?

Sa loob ng tatlong buwan, madami na tayong napag samahan; mga gulo, problema na sumubok sa atin, mga tawanan at kasiyahang hindi malilimutan, mga luhang pumatak ng lingid sa kaalaman ng nakararami.
Sino ang makalilimot sa unang bonding moment natin? Dun una ko nakita ang iyong kakulitan at pagiging masayahin mga katangiang nagpapasaya sakin.
Ilang pinggan na ba ng pagkain ang ating pinataob? halos hindi ko mabilang, halos hindi ko matandaan.
Sa tuwing nakikita ko ang mga picture natin, ako ay napapangiti. Nakakatuwang isipin na sa konting panahon, madaming pangyayari ang hindi ko malilimutan. Mga ngiting mistulang walang katapusan.
Subalit lahat talaga siguro may katapusan. Lahat may pagtatapos, minsan maganda minsan hindi. Nagising na lang ako isang araw, ibang tao ka na. Hindi na ang dating mahal ko ilang buwan na ang nakalilipas.
Ang dati mo mga ngiti ngayo'y napalitan ng galit. Ang dati mong malambing na tinig ngayo'y napalitan ng poot. Hindi ko alam ang sa iyo ay nangyari? Hindi ko alam kung bakit sa isang iglap ikaw ay tuluyang nagbago?
Sinikap kong ikaw ay unawain. Nagbingi bingihan sa tuwing ikaw ay nagagalit. Pinalampas ang bawat sandaling ako'y iyong nasasaktan hindi sa pisikal na paraan kundi emosyonal.
Mahal ko nasaan ka na ngayon? Tuluyan mo na bang tatalikuran ang pagmamahalan matagal nating iniingatan...

lonely and drowning..

falling on my heartbreak and get my hopes up when I'm in love. Until he break up with me then i'm back to square one. I've been lonely and drowning because every relationship turns out to be the same. So many questions left unanswered.

Walking in the rain so no one can see me crying..

Im trying to analyze every angle and situation ; Trying to find an explanation because it's getting aggrivating why my relationships never seem to work out. I'm beginning to worry and doubt if I'm even able to detect if he's the right one or when to stay or when to run. When will I see the sun shine its light on my heart and help me ease the pain because I'm getting so tired of the rain.

The only person who can heal the pain is the same person who hurt and made us cry...

The Love we give and get in return..
The love we give and get in return.. The best part of being in love with someone is being convinced that the person will be with us forever. Most of us start relationships believing in the promise of love without end. Unfortunately, not all relationships end the way we want them to. To some, love comes in a fleeting moment and goes just as fast. But getting over the feeling always seems to take a lifetime, because the only person who can heal the pain is usually the very same person who hurt us and made us cry. Sometimes just as we are about to accept the failure of our relationship, that person comes back to us and unknowingly destroys our defenses. Suddenly, we find ourselves hooked on love again. And it hurts even more because we know that person doesn't share the same feeling anymore. Even if there is the urge to forget because it hurts, there would always be that compelling reason to hope for love to come back. It is like waiting for the sun to shine in the middle of a storm. The love that brings us pain should be the same love that would heal our hearts. When you love so much that it begins to hurt, then you have to learn to let go to lessen your pain. Love hurts, and sometimes it hurts like there is no tomorrow. But there still is and there will always be one. No matter how battered and stricken we have been, there will always be a tomorrow that will bring hope and love. But that tomorrow will never come unless we leave the past behind and live today as we should. Let the pain remain for a while and let the tears fall as they please. Then after all that, move on and find a place in this world where you will feel that everything is going to be all right.

The only person who can make us happy is the same person who makes us cry..

Just a thought on Love...
It has always been said that sometimes the only person who can make us happy is the same person who makes us cry. But most of the time, we don't find this happiness because the person who made us cry doesn't love us at all. We all know that love has a way of painting the world around us with beautiful colors. It can make us see something that is not real, something that is not there at all. A person in love would often give more meaning to the actions of another person which he interprets as some form of caring or even a gesture of love. But the thing is, when we are blindly in love, we really don't see the world around us as it is. We see it differently. Some people even build their own world of make-believe where they can live happily ever after. But the only "after" there can be is disillusionment. I know it's hard to see the difference between love and friendship when it's love that we want so much. Sometimes the only way to prove our love for a person is to simply give him the freedom to choose who he wants to love, even if it may not be us. Let us always remember that the greatest challenge in this life is how to love unselfishly, unconditionally and make other people happy even if it means giving up our own happiness.