Wednesday, July 9, 2008
sleepless night...
This is one of the mornings after another sleepless night that I cannot help but ask myself, why didn't I have a good night sleep again? Then I would just joke myself and answer it with, maybe someone's been thinking of me all night. haha (ang kapal!). They say jokes are always half-meant. And maybe, just maybe, behind that joke, there's this wishful thinking that someone has really been thinking of me. Then a memory of someone from the past would, again, bounce in my head, disturb my sanity and make my day half-miserable.
Paano kung iniisip pa rin niya ako? Paano kung mahal pa rin niya ako? Naaahh! Tsk,tsk. It's just another imagination. Another day of what if's and maybe's. For the nth time, I've told myself that when it's over, it's really over! There's no sense turning back and even trying to pick up the pieces again. It's time to move on and face the reality.
When it's over, is it really over? When you decide to let go, do you really succeed in letting go? I just remember Sugar Ray's song: When it's over, that's the time I fall in love again... When it's over, that's the time you're in my heart again... How can you possibly say it's over when you're still in love with the person you said you were over with?
The hardest part of losing a loved one is to accept the fact that they're gone and might never come back again. There are things that will always remind you of your togetherness... the places you've been, his favorite food you used to cook for him and the songs you've both love to sing. These are the memories that linger on your mind from time to time. Because you were both in love before (or so you think), it makes you hope for another chance.
We tend to think that the person who left us will come back one day and would promise (again) forever. Romantic movies and mushy love songs only make us long for something we cannot have and for someone who cannot be ours again. It hurts to admit that we are just pretending . All the while, we already knew the truth but we ignore it. When the damage is done, there's nothing left to do but cry, to mourn for the bitterness in our hearts. Then curse anybody who gets in the way. As long as we still hold on to the past, the chance of meeting someone new maybe a bit far off the field.
The fear of trusting and falling in love again may also hinder us to grow and move on. We are hesitant to take the risk, afraid that we may get hurt again. Because of the negative thoughts stocked in our brains, we refuse to go out in our self-made world and deprive ourselves from new opportunities, whether in love affairs or career wise.
Let's face it! Betrayal can be anywhere and anyone can be a victim. The worst part is when the one we truly, madly and deeply love is the one who will betray us in the end. Then we are left with nothing but a broken heart and a wounded pride. Sad, but true. (Reality check, please...) It can happen to anyone but we shouldn't take things as it comes. An action must be done. We should take care of ourselves from the hungry wolves in the jungle. It's just a matter of survival. Stand up when you fall.
It's okay to cry as hard and as long as you want to, just make sure that when you stop crying, you won't cry for same reason anymore. Learn and live. Love is the most wonderful thing one can offer, so be smart enough to give the love in your heart to the one who really deserves it.